Whether you're still preparing for your wedding or looking back at it, I hope this post lets you know you're not alone if it wasn't the best day of your life!
I think movies and popular culture sets us up to expect that our wedding will be the best day of our lives. And when it doesn't turn out that way, we end up disappointed. I certainly felt that way, and I was both confused and upset. I found comfort in reading about other people's emotions on their wedding day (misery loves company haha), and realising that it doesn't make sense to have such expectations to begin with.
On first glance, I thought I was upset because of the decor mess-up. But I realised that even if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have called it my best day or most enjoyable experience. For one thing, the focus of wedding planning is often to ensure things look good and the program flows smoothly. It's not so much for the bride and groom to enjoy ourselves. If it was, we would have just spent the day nua-ing in our PJs or travelling to JB.
In fact, the day before my wedding, I realised that there were many things I didn't look forward to. Like being around lots of people the whole day (an introvert's nightmare), having to wear contacts, heels and makeup (which I hardly ever do), and having to ensure everyone sticks to a schedule (sticking to my own schedule is one thing, ensuring 100+ people stick to it is another).
keeping our eyes on each other
When the day came, I didn't get much chance to interact with anyone beyond Janan and my bridesmaids because I was mostly in the bridal room waiting or changing. Throughout the ceremony, I was annoyed by things like my veil pressing on my false eyelashes and couldn't wait for Janan to lift it up (to relieve the discomfort, not because of any romantic reason). We chose the chili crab live station because Janan loves chili crab, but most of it was gone by the time we sat down. And while we were posing for the fireworks photos, Janan and I joked that we paid so much but couldn't see the fireworks cause we always had to be facing each other/kissing for the cameras. Add to all this the things I could not control, like last minute changes and people forgetting things, and it was more of an uncomfortable day than a day of happiness.
The moments I did enjoy were the genuine ones. Like the little moments of conversation Janan and I had while posing for photos. I'm not sure what we were laughing at in both photos, but I know Janan said something funny (that's why you should marry someone who makes you laugh :P). I was also genuinely touched when Janan was singing the song, as it made me think of all the ways in which he has loved and cared for me.
There were also several times I felt like crying during our wedding, all for happy reasons. Once during our exchange of vows, as we read out our personalised vows. A second time during Janan's song. And lastly, during my speech, at the part “in this life, marrying you was the one and only thing I’ve been so certain of", because it is amazingly true.
It's funny how the small moments become memories. Months later when I was listening to our wedding playlist, I recalled moments during the wedding when I was listening to those songs with Janan and feeling happy. It's probably such a minor thing in the midst of wedding planning, but it turned out to be something I could enjoy over and over again. I'm glad I spent time picking out and arranging the songs so that they sorta flowed and vibed together.
This was our playlist:
Heart of Life - John Mayer
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
Love You True - Lydia Luce
Guiding Light - Foy Vance, Ed Sheeran
The One You Love (feat Kate Miller Heidke) - Passenger
The Day Before You - Acoustic - Matthew West
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
I Will Spend My Whole Life Loving You - Imaginary Future
Marry Me - Venus and the Moon
By My Side - David Choi
Everything - Michael Buble
Beautiful Crazy - Luke Combs
Throughout our years together, my favourite moments were never the special occasions. Rather, it was the times spent laughing over random nonsense. We may not even remember what we laughed about, but the important thing is we enjoyed each another's company. If anyone is interested, I wrote about how marriage life is on my other blog.
one of my favourite photos that actually came from my videographer
I do have to say though, that seeing the photos and videos after that made me feel happier than I did on the day itself. Definitely not sponsored haha and I know I've praised them so much, but it's true. Seeing the dreamy photos helps me forget the mistakes, and seeing the video (more than 10 times already) always makes me feel happy. I think our videographer did a great job capturing the sentiments and beautiful moments of the day.
Can you have a wedding you'll enjoy?
I think this is such a different question from the ones we normally think of when it comes to wedding planning (nicest looking, cheapest, most extravagant etc). We think that a wedding day holds special significance because it's "The Day I Married the One", but in the end it's the One that is special not the day. In some ways, I am glad that Janan and I had our ROM on a separate day from our wedding celebration. Not that it felt any more special, but at least it felt like a routine day rather than a stress-inducing one.
We might also think that weddings are to celebrate with our friends. During the planning, I did give a lot of thought to how it could still feel like a cosy wedding. I read about brides who would skip the grand entrance and the attire changing, and simply stand at the door to greet guests from the start. That could be one way. But I like having long conversations one-to-one or with small groups of friends I'm close to, and a wedding simply doesn't allow such luxury of time for that. Thus, I gave up on it and concluded that the purpose of a wedding isn't for this, and I am better off meeting my friends another time to spend quality time together. There are people who do enjoy these types of large-scale celebrations with their friends, but I'm not one of them.
In the end, I guess what I'm saying is that you don't have to feel bad if your wedding doesn't go as expected or actually turns out to be a horrible day. After all the money and planning, sometimes the moments we enjoy the most are the small ones.
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